Austin and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary last week! It was so special and got us thinking- we want to have a celebration next year and share vows together! Since we got married in an LDS temple, we didn’t get the opportunity in our wedding ceremony to share vows and it’s something that we wish we got to do. Every wedding we go to we find ourselves commenting on the couples’ vows and how sweet they are. If you’re like us and didn’t get that opportunity to share your feelings with each other, or would like to renew your commitments to one another, there is no time like the present! On your next upcoming anniversary, make it a point to have that special experience.
This is what it’s ALL about!
Imagine right now you are holding your spouses hand and it feels like it’s just you two. You start to speak and find yourself overwhelmed with love for the person who makes you the happiest as you are telling them all about the little reasons you chose to be with them forever. They rub their thumb on your knuckle and you see their eyes full of tears because they are thinking all of the same things about you in that very moment. THAT is what your wedding day is all about.
If you are teetering between not knowing if you want to share vows together or not, think about that moment. Speaking as someone who didn’t have that moment, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t. Even if don’t share them out loud in front of your guests, make time on your wedding day for a personal moment between the two of you to share your feelings. When times get hard in the future you will be able to refer back to the commitments you made to each other on your wedding day for strength. On anniversaries you can look back on your wedding vows and giggle about how much you “thought” you loved your spouse then compared to 5 years from now.
The thought of writing vows can feel a little intimidating especially when doing so is probably not something you have any experience with! Luckily, you have us here to help you! We’ve been to more weddings than we can keep track of and have gathered bits of vows we loved that can provide you a nice outline for your own!
Before writing your vows, consider if you are sharing your vows publicly in front of all your guests or privately. Depending on what you pick might change the way you approach the way you write them.
Here are some ideas of what you two can say:
- My thoughts when I first met you…
- The moment when I knew I loved you…
- Things I love about you…
- Aspirations of what I hope we accomplish and what we have accomplished together…
- How you have made me better…
- Obvious things people love and know about you vs little things I know and love about you + experience. (Example: Everyone knows ___ can be a leader but I’ve actually felt their impact when ____ happened and they made me feel safe and confident that things would be okay.)
- Ways you make me proud to be your partner…
- Examples of growth in your partner and relationship
- Promises of how I’ll show you I love you + my commitments to you…
Focus on them!
The main goal to remember with vows is to make your partner feel loved. The easiest way to do that is to talk about THEM less than yourself. Don’t fill your vows with “I” statements, rather use “you” or their name as often as you can. It is proven that the more you use someones name in a conversation, the more that person will trust and like you.
In this article written by The Native Idealist they state “When we say a person’s name we are telling those who listen how important they are to us. If that person is in the conversation they will most certainly pick up on this. With every mention of their name they will turn towards you, they will remember how you make them feel and the frequency will denote their importance to you in the context of how you have made them feel. If you instill a series of positive feelings in someone with every mention of their name by the end of the conversation they will be under a very real impression you are connected to them in a positive way. Additionally, when someone uses our name we know they know us.”
All in all, don’t overthink it too much, but definitely spend quality time writing your vows. This is NOT a task to procrastinate. Your spouse will love you no matter what you say, but really try to make your vows special and unique to your love story.
Happy writing and enjoy a drink from Starbucks on us! 🙂