When I was engaged to Austin, life was good because, obviously, I was excited to get married! But emotionally, IT WAS SCARY. Which is something that I don’t really think is ever talked about in Mormon culture… I think most of the time people just focus on all the good happy things of engagement and don’t give any warning of the weary days ahead…so just know this now: it’s totally okay to feel scared or doubtful! It’s normal! And that doesn’t mean you don’t love your future spouse- it’s a big adjustment coming your way! Just like it was scary moving away to college or your first day of kindergarten, marriage is kinda like that! The change isn’t bad buttttt, it’s just that: change. And with that, the unknown of the future will scare anyone! So just know you’re not alone in being scared! It’s not bad! Plus, within Mormon culture the engagement is FAST. Within the rest of the world, people have 1 to 5 years to get used to the idea of marriage… we have like four months!
One day I was really stressed about everything: wedding planning, I got in a fight with Austin, I wasn’t on good terms with my family and I was SO close to calling things off… you know, it was one of THOSE days. I was just done and tired! In fact, I was so upset and low key yelling at Heavenly Father about how this was nothing like what I thought it would be and WHY in the world was I still doing it? And I got the most sweet answer- He said “Remember why you’re good for each other.” That’s when it dawned on me. Marriage isn’t about the wedding day, or either of your families, or how money is gonna work out. It’s simple- it’s about you and your spouse. It’s in the times of doubt, or in the middle of a fight when you really have to try to think highly of each other… I’d ask myself these questions to focus on the things that mattered most:
•What drew me toward him in the first place?
•How has he helped me become better and grow since I’ve met him?
•Why am staying with him?
Then, I’d think, “What would I do without him?”
…. THAT question would always realign my focus. The thought of actually calling things completely off and walking away from Austin broke my heart… I think that’s when I knew without any doubts that he was the one.. really genuinely thinking about how much it would hurt if I actually lost him was enough to calm me down and accept that I was ready to get married.
Even though life is so hectic and crazy right now (emotionally, financially, all the moving and planning) just try to think about what you and your husband will be doing 2 months after you get married…when it’s just you two, without the families or the stress of wedding planning. If you’re like me and Austin you’ll be sitting in your little 1 bed room apartment, eating the homemade salsa you made together a few minutes before, all while watching you’re fav show. AND THEN you get to do family scriptures and prayer together-just you two. Oh and the snuggling is just the best!
Really just look at it eternally when you doubt. Really looking at your spouse as a son of God, praying to love him like Heavenly Father does and really seeing his potential will help you calm down and just feel so many good things towards your sweetheart.
There’s no better feeling than being snuggled up by your future husband in the celestial room just moments before you’re about to walk into the sealing room to be together forever. That’s when everything will all make sense.
It’ll all work out and be okay! You just have to make it through these next few months!
